You Complete Me!

Ever had someone say, "You Complete Me?"  Or have you heard it said to someone else? Perhaps, you may remember Tom Cruise say it in Jerry Maguire or have read it in a romantic novel. Either way, we have all come across those words one way or another.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who expressed her feelings to me about her relationship. She explained that without her boyfriend she would not feel complete. I continued to listen to her go on and on about her relationship and how happy she finally was. Although, I'm equally happy for her, it made me realize that I used to feel that way. In fact, I had a conversation with an ex-boyfriend recently and realized that I wasn't the only one with the same feelings. He shared a very familiar phrase about how he felt when we broke up years ago. He told me, "I haven't felt COMPLETE since we split". Wow, I was surprised to hear that from him and it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside to have someone feel that way about me. 'How sweet' - was my true reaction.

But let's hit the fast forward button.

It wasn't long before realizing that it wasn't so sweet after all. In fact, my whole persona of 'you complete me' has changed. To feel complete means to be whole. I now know what a problem it is to feel that way. Feelings of wanting someone else make you feel complete and whole explains the insecurities a person struggles within. After having continued conversation with my ex and hearing him explain the feelings he had at the time of our break-up confirmed that we both were trying to feel complete being together.

The misconception that so many of us have on relationships can actually hurt us. If you do not feel complete and whole within then you can not have a healthy relationship with others. Finding this in someone else is hurting yourself and in the long run will hurt them too. This extends from not loving yourself first. I've learned and realized how long I've been hurting myself and others by not learning to LOVE ME first.

I have come to terms with knowing my very own downfalls in relationships. And I started with getting to know me and loving me first! This may shed some light in your own journey too. We go through a break-up and feel disappointed by the turn of events. But instead of taking time to heal to learn about yourself and what it really means to love yourself we jump into another relationship to have the feelings of fulfillment and completeness. Not only have I myself experienced this but I've seen it happen with people I personally know. The end results have always been negative.

Although, I have not spoken to my ex in quite a while, what's more disturbing is knowing that in my last conversation with him, he still struggles with feeling complete within. He continues to focus on his relationships to feel complete, wanted, and loved. And when things don't go his way in a relationship, he dismisses women's feelings and uses the women for his own enjoyment. This stems from a lack of being in love with himself. This is a topic that will be discussed separately very soon. (Lack of Loving YOU First)

My sincere hope for my ex and those of you out there struggling with being complete within, is to take time to heal. By doing so, you get to learn more about who you are, you'll be able to release the past, and learn to move forward without guilt or regret. This is a first-step process in getting to know you and falling in love with yourself. It will allow you to have a better perspective in life. You would be doing yourself and those you come in contact with a favor.

Many blessings from me to you!

 

Love is the Greatest

I promised myself that I would not revisit my past, unless I was writing about it.  As I decided to write about Love and how it has changed my life, I realized that this is a great opportunity to revisit my past and share my own testimony.  My hope is that you can understand what Love has done for me and apply what you read and learn into your own life. 

Recently, I’ve been reading a book that speaks on how to apply Love in everything we do in life.  Regardless of our circumstances, we should apply Love in it instead of frustration, anger, resentment, and any other negative feelings we may experience.  Reacting in either manner can lead to negative results in our lives.  It’s called living in Strife!  We must keep strife out of our lives to live a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life.  In order to achieve this, apply love instead. 

As a child, I clearly remember the many days and nights I dreaded being home with my family.  It was difficult surrounding myself with love, when no love was given in our home.  I was too young to understand what love was let alone give it to anyone or anything.  Due to the lack of love I received as a child, led to countless bad decisions, days of misery, and a list of insecurities within myself.  I often felt that I was a mistake and was not meant to be in this life.  It’s sad to admit but it is how I felt in those years since it seemed that nothing positive was going on for me.  Although, I have some happy memories of my childhood; they are far and few in between.  There were more unhappy moments then happy ones.  But with hope and faith I imagined that one day I’d be free.  So, here I am – I surpassed it all!    

It’s clear to me today when I reflect on those years that the reasoning behind my misery and unhappiness is that our parents didn’t show love to each other and it reflected on the entire household.  A household without love led to numerous arguments, resentment, dishonesty, secrets, disrespect, and the list goes on.  My siblings and I did the best we could to make sense of it all but it was truly a battlefield of survival.  For many years to come, I struggled with my own identity.  I was merely trying to determine how I’m suppose to fit in.  As I continued to read the book, I decided to ask myself a very important question.  “How am I suppose to show anyone or anything love if I never had it myself?”  

Through many heartbreaks and bad relationships I now stand tall and am fully aware of how great life is when you experience Love.  For some it may mean to feel loved, but to others it’s the gift of showing love.  When you show love; you receive it.  It’s that simple.  And you do this by realizing that you have love to give, so you are ready to receive it. 

In fact, it’s impossible to love anyone if you do not love yourself first.  I’ve heard this many times before and had not clue what it meant until now.  You must allow yourself the time to heal from the bad experiences in your life to feel the love you have within you.  This gives you the opportunity to deeply fall in love with yourself.  It is then that you are prepared to give in the form of Love.  Once you’ve been able to get through that hurdle, you will experience the windows of opportunity  that Love can provide in your life.  

I encourage you today, if you’ve struggled with accepting and loving yourself due to past hurt, please release it and set yourself free from it.  It is time for you to finally set yourself free and humbly accept the free will of Love.  Every experience in life helps us learn and grow.  When we learn and grow, we are given the ability to move forward.  Apply love in every aspect of your life.  You will experience a major transformation in your life.  What I’ve learned through this process is that we all have control and power over our lives.  We do not have to live in agony any longer.  Choose love and watch your life improve drastically.  Love is not a feeling we feel for each other; it’s so much more. 

Here’s the biblical meaning of Love:

I Corinthians 13:4-6

1If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;^a but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages^band special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

11When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.^c All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. 

Make everyday count – have a blessed and productive day! 

~Vicky Valdes